first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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