You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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