Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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