This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
