i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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