You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
