I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
