I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
