I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
