she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
