no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
