I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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