dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
