I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
