I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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