I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
