My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
