Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
