I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
