If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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