Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
