Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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