we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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