Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
