why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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