the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
