Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
