I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
