Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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