He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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