Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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