Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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