She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
