the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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