My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize