im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
jump out the window naked night went bad
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
