god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
birth control should be required to get into college
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
