stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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