nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
