All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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