I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
NoShamevember. You game?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
