I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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