Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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