Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
