im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
