at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
