She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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