Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
