I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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