I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
