He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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