R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
