Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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