thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
