if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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