please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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