Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize