I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
