Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
