Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
