It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it hurts more in the daytime
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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