How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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