I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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