was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
