8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
