I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
